"Perhaps, brother," said the ecclesiastic, "you are that SanchoPanza that is mentioned, to whom your master has promised an island?"
"Yes, I am," said Sancho, "and what's more, I am one who deserves itas much as anyone; I am one of the sort- 'Attach thyself to thegood, and thou wilt be one of them,' and of those, 'Not with whom thouart bred, but with whom thou art fed,' and of those, 'Who leansagainst a good tree, a good shade covers him;' I have leant upon agood master, and I have been for months going about with him, andplease God I shall be just such another; long life to him and longlife to me, for neither will he be in any want of empires to rule,or I of islands to govern."
"No, Sancho my friend, certainly not," said the duke, "for in thename of Senor Don Quixote I confer upon you the government of one ofno small importance that I have at my disposal."
"Go down on thy knees, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "and kiss the feetof his excellence for the favour he has bestowed upon thee."
Sancho obeyed, and on seeing this the ecclesiastic stood up fromtable completely out of temper, exclaiming, "By the gown I wear, Iam almost inclined to say that your excellence is as great a fool asthese sinners. No wonder they are mad, when people who are in theirsenses sanction their madness! I leave your excellence with them,for so long as they are in the house, I will remain in my own, andspare myself the trouble of reproving what I cannot remedy;" andwithout uttering another word, or eating another morsel, he wentoff, the entreaties of the duke and duchess being entirelyunavailing to stop him; not that the duke said much to him, for hecould not, because of the laughter his uncalled-for anger provoked.
When he had done laughing, he said to Don Quixote, "You have repliedon your own behalf so stoutly, Sir Knight of the Lions, that thereis no occasion to seek further satisfaction for this, which, though itmay look like an offence, is not so at all, for, as women can giveno offence, no more can ecclesiastics, as you very well know."
"That is true," said Don Quixote, "and the reason is, that he who isnot liable to offence cannot give offence to anyone. Women,children, and ecclesiastics, as they cannot defend themselves,though they may receive offence cannot be insulted, because betweenthe offence and the insult there is, as your excellence very wellknows, this difference: the insult comes from one who is capable ofoffering it, and does so, and maintains it; the offence may comefrom any quarter without carrying insult. To take an example: a man isstanding unsuspectingly in the street and ten others come up armed andbeat him; he draws his sword and quits himself like a man, but thenumber of his antagonists makes it impossible for him to effect hispurpose and avenge himself; this man suffers an offence but not aninsult. Another example will make the same thing plain: a man isstanding with his back turned, another comes up and strikes him, andafter striking him takes to flight, without waiting an instant, andthe other pursues him but does not overtake him; he who received theblow received an offence, but not an insult, because an insult must bemaintained. If he who struck him, though he did so sneakingly andtreacherously, had drawn his sword and stood and faced him, then hewho had been struck would have received offence and insult at the sametime; offence because he was struck treacherously, insult because hewho struck him maintained what he had done, standing his groundwithout taking to flight. And so, according to the laws of theaccursed duel, I may have received offence, but not insult, forneither women nor children can maintain it, nor can they wound, norhave they any way of standing their ground, and it is just the samewith those connected with religion; for these three sorts of personsare without arms offensive or defensive, and so, though naturally theyare bound to defend themselves, they have no right to offendanybody; and though I said just now I might have received offence, Isay now certainly not, for he who cannot receive an insult can stillless give one; for which reasons I ought not to feel, nor do I feel,aggrieved at what that good man said to me; I only wish he hadstayed a little longer, that I might have shown him the mistake hemakes in supposing and maintaining that there are not and never havebeen any knights-errant in the world; had Amadis or any of hiscountless descendants heard him say as much, I am sure it would nothave gone well with his worship."
"I will take my oath of that," said Sancho; "they would have givenhim a slash that would have slit him down from top to toe like apomegranate or a ripe melon; they were likely fellows to put up withjokes of that sort! By my faith, I'm certain if Reinaldos of Montalvanhad heard the little man's words he would have given him such aspank on the mouth that he wouldn't have spoken for the next threeyears; ay, let him tackle them, and he'll see how he'll get out oftheir hands!"
The duchess, as she listened to Sancho, was ready to die withlaughter, and in her own mind she set him down as droller and madderthan his master; and there were a good many just then who were ofthe same opinion.
Don Quixote finally grew calm, and dinner came to an end, and as thecloth was removed four damsels came in, one of them with a silverbasin, another with a jug also of silver, a third with two finewhite towels on her shoulder, and the fourth with her arms bared tothe elbows, and in her white hands （for white they certainly were） around ball of Naples soap. The one with the basin approached, and witharch composure and impudence, thrust it under Don Quixote's chin, who,wondering at such a ceremony, said never a word, supposing it to bethe custom of that country to wash beards instead of hands; hetherefore stretched his out as far as he could, and at the sameinstant the jug began to pour and the damsel with the soap rubbedhis beard briskly, raising snow-flakes, for the soap lather was noless white, not only over the beard, but all over the face, and overthe eyes of the submissive knight, so that they were perforceobliged to keep shut. The duke and duchess, who had not known anythingabout this, waited to see what came of this strange washing. Thebarber damsel, when she had him a hand's breadth deep in lather,pretended that there was no more water, and bade the one with thejug go and fetch some, while Senor Don Quixote waited. She did so, andDon Quixote was left the strangest and most ludicrous figure thatcould be imagined. All those present, and there were a good many, werewatching him, and as they saw him there with half a yard of neck,and that uncommonly brown, his eyes shut, and his beard full ofsoap, it was a great wonder, and only by great discretion, that theywere able to restrain their laughter. The damsels, the concocters ofthe joke, kept their eyes down, not daring to look at their master andmistress; and as for them, laughter and anger struggled within them,and they knew not what to do, whether to punish the audacity of thegirls, or to reward them for the amusement they had received fromseeing Don Quixote in such a plight.
At length the damsel with the jug returned and they made an end ofwashing Don Quixote, and the one who carried the towels verydeliberately wiped him and dried him; and all four together making hima profound obeisance and curtsey, they were about to go, when theduke, lest Don Quixote should see through the joke, called out tothe one with the basin saying, "Come and wash me, and take care thatthere is water enough." The girl, sharp-witted and prompt, came andplaced the basin for the duke as she had done for Don Quixote, andthey soon had him well soaped and washed, and having wiped him drythey made their obeisance and retired. It appeared afterwards that theduke had sworn that if they had not washed him as they had Don Quixotehe would have punished them for their impudence, which they adroitlyatoned for by soaping him as well.
Sancho observed the ceremony of the washing very attentively, andsaid to himself, "God bless me, if it were only the custom in thiscountry to wash squires' beards too as well as knights'. For by Godand upon my soul I want it badly; and if they gave me a scrape ofthe razor besides I'd take it as a still greater kindness."
"What are you saying to yourself, Sancho?" asked the duchess.
"I was saying, senora," he replied, "that in the courts of otherprinces, when the cloth is taken away, I have always heard say theygive water for the hands, but not lye for the beard; and that shows itis good to live long that you may see much; to be sure, they say toothat he who lives a long life must undergo much evil, though toundergo a washing of that sort is pleasure rather than pain."
"Don't be uneasy, friend Sancho," said the duchess; "I will takecare that my damsels wash you, and even put you in the tub ifnecessary."
"I'll be content with the beard," said Sancho, "at any rate forthe present; and as for the future, God has decreed what is to be."
"Attend to worthy Sancho's request, seneschal," said the duchess,"and do exactly what he wishes."
The seneschal replied that Senor Sancho should be obeyed ineverything; and with that he went away to dinner and took Sancho alongwith him, while the duke and duchess and Don Quixote remained at tablediscussing a great variety of things, but all bearing on the callingof arms and knight-errantry.
The duchess begged Don Quixote, as he seemed to have a retentivememory, to describe and portray to her the beauty and features ofthe lady Dulcinea del Toboso, for, judging by what fame trumpetedabroad of her beauty, she felt sure she must be the fairest creaturein the world, nay, in all La Mancha.
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