"Bear in mind that the culprit who comes under thy jurisdiction isbut a miserable man subject to all the propensities of our depravednature, and so far as may be in thy power show thyself lenient andforbearing; for though the attributes of God are all equal, to oureyes that of mercy is brighter and loftier than that of justice.
"If thou followest these precepts and rules, Sancho, thy days willbe long, thy fame eternal, thy reward abundant, thy felicityunutterable; thou wilt marry thy children as thou wouldst; they andthy grandchildren will bear titles; thou wilt live in peace andconcord with all men; and, when life draws to a close, death will cometo thee in calm and ripe old age, and the light and loving hands ofthy great-grandchildren will close thine eyes.
"What I have thus far addressed to thee are instructions for theadornment of thy mind; listen now to those which tend to that of thebody."
CHAPTER XLIII
OF THE SECOND SET OF COUNSELS DON QUIXOTE GAVE SANCHO PANZA
WHO, hearing the foregoing discourse of Don Quixote, would nothave set him down for a person of great good sense and greaterrectitude of purpose? But, as has been frequently observed in thecourse of this great history, he only talked nonsense when hetouched on chivalry, and in discussing all other subjects showedthat he had a clear and unbiassed understanding; so that at every turnhis acts gave the lie to his intellect, and his intellect to his acts;but in the case of these second counsels that he gave Sancho he showedhimself to have a lively turn of humour, and displayed conspicuouslyhis wisdom, and also his folly.
Sancho listened to him with the deepest attention, and endeavouredto fix his counsels in his memory, like one who meant to follow themand by their means bring the full promise of his government to a happyissue. Don Quixote, then, went on to say:
"With regard to the mode in which thou shouldst govern thy personand thy house, Sancho, the first charge I have to give thee is to beclean, and to cut thy nails, not letting them grow as some do, whoseignorance makes them fancy that long nails are an ornament to theirhands, as if those excrescences they neglect to cut were nails, andnot the talons of a lizard-catching kestrel- a filthy and unnaturalabuse.
"Go not ungirt and loose, Sancho; for disordered attire is a sign ofan unstable mind, unless indeed the slovenliness and slackness is tohe set down to craft, as was the common opinion in the case ofJulius Caesar.
"Ascertain cautiously what thy office may be worth; and if it willallow thee to give liveries to thy servants, give them respectable andserviceable, rather than showy and gay ones, and divide them betweenthy servants and the poor; that is to say, if thou canst clothe sixpages, clothe three and three poor men, and thus thou wilt havepages for heaven and pages for earth; the vainglorious never thinkof this new mode of giving liveries.
"Eat not garlic nor onions, lest they find out thy boorish origin bythe smell; walk slowly and speak deliberately, but not in such a wayas to make it seem thou art listening to thyself, for allaffectation is bad.
"Dine sparingly and sup more sparingly still; for the health ofthe whole body is forged in the workshop of the stomach.
"Be temperate in drinking, bearing in mind that wine in excess keepsneither secrets nor promises.
"Take care, Sancho, not to chew on both sides, and not to eruct inanybody's presence."
"Eruct!" said Sancho; "I don't know what that means."
"To eruct, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "means to belch, and that isone of the filthiest words in the Spanish language, though a veryexpressive one; and therefore nice folk have had recourse to theLatin, and instead of belch say eruct, and instead of belches sayeructations; and if some do not understand these terms it matterslittle, for custom will bring them into use in the course of time,so that they will be readily understood; this is the way a language isenriched; custom and the public are all-powerful there."
"In truth, senor," said Sancho, "one of the counsels and cautionsI mean to bear in mind shall be this, not to belch, for I'm constantlydoing it."
"Eruct, Sancho, not belch," said Don Quixote.
"Eruct, I shall say henceforth, and I swear not to forget it,"said Sancho.
"Likewise, Sancho," said Don Quixote, "thou must not mingle such aquantity of proverbs in thy discourse as thou dost; for thoughproverbs are short maxims, thou dost drag them in so often by the headand shoulders that they savour more of nonsense than of maxims."
"God alone can cure that," said Sancho; "for I have more proverbs inme than a book, and when I speak they come so thick together into mymouth that they fall to fighting among themselves to get out; that'swhy my tongue lets fly the first that come, though they may not be patto the purpose. But I'll take care henceforward to use such as befitthe dignity of my office; for 'in a house where there's plenty, supperis soon cooked,' and 'he who binds does not wrangle,' and 'thebell-ringer's in a safe berth,' and 'giving and keeping requirebrains.'"
"That's it, Sancho!" said Don Quixote; "pack, tack, stringproverbs together; nobody is hindering thee! 'My mother beats me,and I go on with my tricks.' I am bidding thee avoid proverbs, andhere in a second thou hast shot out a whole litany of them, which haveas much to do with what we are talking about as 'over the hills ofUbeda.' Mind, Sancho, I do not say that a proverb aptly brought inis objectionable; but to pile up and string together proverbs atrandom makes conversation dull and vulgar.
"When thou ridest on horseback, do not go lolling with thy body onthe back of the saddle, nor carry thy legs stiff or sticking outfrom the horse's belly, nor yet sit so loosely that one wouldsuppose thou wert on Dapple; for the seat on a horse makes gentlemenof some and grooms of others.
"Be moderate in thy sleep; for he who does not rise early does notget the benefit of the day; and remember, Sancho, diligence is themother of good fortune, and indolence, its opposite, never yetattained the object of an honest ambition.
"The last counsel I will give thee now, though it does not tend tobodily improvement, I would have thee carry carefully in thy memory,for I believe it will be no less useful to thee than those I havegiven thee already, and it is this- never engage in a dispute aboutfamilies, at least in the way of comparing them one with another;for necessarily one of those compared will be better than the other,and thou wilt be hated by the one thou hast disparaged, and getnothing in any shape from the one thou hast exalted.
"Thy attire shall be hose of full length, a long jerkin, and a cloaka trifle longer; loose breeches by no means, for they are becomingneither for gentlemen nor for governors.
"For the present, Sancho, this is all that has occurred to me toadvise thee; as time goes by and occasions arise my instructions shallfollow, if thou take care to let me know how thou art circumstanced."
"Senor," said Sancho, "I see well enough that all these thingsyour worship has said to me are good, holy, and profitable; but whatuse will they be to me if I don't remember one of them? To be surethat about not letting my nails grow, and marrying again if I have thechance, will not slip out of my head; but all that other hash, muddle,and jumble- I don't and can't recollect any more of it than of lastyear's clouds; so it must be given me in writing; for though I can'teither read or write, I'll give it to my confessor, to drive it intome and remind me of it whenever it is necessary."
"Ah, sinner that I am!" said Don Quixote, "how bad it looks ingovernors not to know how to read or write; for let me tell thee,Sancho, when a man knows not how to read, or is left-handed, it arguesone of two things; either that he was the son of exceedingly meanand lowly parents, or that he himself was so incorrigible andill-conditioned that neither good company nor good teaching could makeany impression on him. It is a great defect that thou labourest under,and therefore I would have thee learn at any rate to sign thy name.""I can sign my name well enough," said Sancho, "for when I wassteward of the brotherhood in my village I learned to make certainletters, like the marks on bales of goods, which they told me made outmy name. Besides I can pretend my right hand is disabled and make someone else sign for me, for 'there's a remedy for everything exceptdeath;' and as I shall be in command and hold the staff, I can do as Ilike; moreover, 'he who has the alcalde for his father-,' and I'llbe governor, and that's higher than alcalde. Only come and see! Letthem make light of me and abuse me; 'they'll come for wool and go backshorn;' 'whom God loves, his house is known to Him;' 'the sillysayings of the rich pass for saws in the world;' and as I'll berich, being a governor, and at the same time generous, as I mean tobe, no fault will he seen in me. 'Only make yourself honey and theflies will suck you;' 'as much as thou hast so much art thou worth,'as my grandmother used to say; and 'thou canst have no revenge of aman of substance.'"
"Oh, God's curse upon thee, Sancho!" here exclaimed Don Quixote;"sixty thousand devils fly away with thee and thy proverbs! For thelast hour thou hast been stringing them together and inflicting thepangs of torture on me with every one of them. Those proverbs willbring thee to the gallows one day, I promise thee; thy subjects willtake the government from thee, or there will be revolts among them.Tell me, where dost thou pick them up, thou booby? How dost thou applythem, thou blockhead? For with me, to utter one and make it applyproperly, I have to sweat and labour as if I were digging."
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