So far I have not handled any dues or taken any bribes, and Idon't know what to think of it; for here they tell me that thegovernors that come to this island, before entering it have plentyof money either given to them or lent to them by the people of thetown, and that this is the usual custom not only here but with all whoenter upon governments.
Last night going the rounds I came upon a fair damsel in man'sclothes, and a brother of hers dressed as a woman; my head-carverhas fallen in love with the girl, and has in his own mind chosen herfor a wife, so he says, and I have chosen youth for a son-in-law;to-day we are going to explain our intentions to the father of thepair, who is one Diego de la Llana, a gentleman and an old Christianas much as you please.
I have visited the market-places, as your worship advises me, andyesterday I found a stall-keeper selling new hazel nuts and proved herto have mixed a bushel of old empty rotten nuts with a bushel ofnew; I confiscated the whole for the children of the charity-school,who will know how to distinguish them well enough, and I sentenced hernot to come into the market-place for a fortnight; they told me Idid bravely. I can tell your worship it is commonly said in thistown that there are no people worse than the market-women, for theyare all barefaced, unconscionable, and impudent, and I can wellbelieve it from what I have seen of them in other towns.
I am very glad my lady the duchess has written to my wife TeresaPanza and sent her the present your worship speaks of; and I willstrive to show myself grateful when the time comes; kiss her hands forme, and tell her I say she has not thrown it into a sack with a holein it, as she will see in the end. I should not like your worship tohave any difference with my lord and lady; for if you fall out withthem it is plain it must do me harm; and as you give me advice to begrateful it will not do for your worship not to be so yourself tothose who have shown you such kindness, and by whom you have beentreated so hospitably in their castle.
That about the scratching I don't understand; but I suppose itmust be one of the ill-turns the wicked enchanters are always doingyour worship; when we meet I shall know all about it. I wish I couldsend your worship something; but I don't know what to send, unlessit be some very curious clyster pipes, to work with bladders, thatthey make in this island; but if the office remains with me I'llfind out something to send, one way or another. If my wife TeresaPanza writes to me, pay the postage and send me the letter, for I havea very great desire to hear how my house and wife and children aregoing on. And so, may God deliver your worship from evil-mindedenchanters, and bring me well and peacefully out of this government,which I doubt, for I expect to take leave of it and my lifetogether, from the way Doctor Pedro Recio treats me.
Your worship's servant
SANCHO PANZA THE GOVERNOR.
The secretary sealed the letter, and immediately dismissed thecourier; and those who were carrying on the joke against Sanchoputting their heads together arranged how he was to be dismissedfrom the government. Sancho spent the afternoon in drawing upcertain ordinances relating to the good government of what hefancied the island; and he ordained that there were to be no provisionhucksters in the State, and that men might import wine into it fromany place they pleased, provided they declared the quarter it camefrom, so that a price might be put upon it according to its quality,reputation, and the estimation it was held in; and he that watered hiswine, or changed the name, was to forfeit his life for it. Hereduced the prices of all manner of shoes, boots, and stockings, butof shoes in particular, as they seemed to him to run extravagantlyhigh. He established a fixed rate for servants' wages, which werebecoming recklessly exorbitant. He laid extremely heavy penalties uponthose who sang lewd or loose songs either by day or night. Hedecreed that no blind man should sing of any miracle in verse,unless he could produce authentic evidence that it was true, for itwas his opinion that most of those the blind men sing are trumpedup, to the detriment of the true ones. He established and created analguacil of the poor, not to harass them, but to examine them andsee whether they really were so; for many a sturdy thief or drunkardgoes about under cover of a make-believe crippled limb or a sham sore.In a word, he made so many good rules that to this day they arepreserved there, and are called The constitutions of the greatgovernor Sancho Panza.
CHAPTER LII
WHEREIN IS RELATED THE ADVENTURE OF THE SECOND DISTRESSED ORAFFLICTED DUENNA, OTHERWISE CALLED DONA RODRIGUEZ
CIDE HAMETE relates that Don Quixote being now cured of hisscratches felt that the life he was leading in the castle was entirelyinconsistent with the order of chivalry he professed, so he determinedto ask the duke and duchess to permit him to take his departure forSaragossa, as the time of the festival was now drawing near, and hehoped to win there the suit of armour which is the prize atfestivals of the sort. But one day at table with the duke and duchess,just as he was about to carry his resolution into effect and ask fortheir permission, lo and behold suddenly there came in through thedoor of the great hall two women, as they afterwards proved to be,draped in mourning from head to foot, one of whom approaching DonQuixote flung herself at full length at his feet, pressing her lips tothem, and uttering moans so sad, so deep, and so doleful that sheput all who heard and saw her into a state of perplexity; and thoughthe duke and duchess supposed it must be some joke their servants wereplaying off upon Don Quixote, still the earnest way the woman sighedand moaned and wept puzzled them and made them feel uncertain, untilDon Quixote, touched with compassion, raised her up and made herunveil herself and remove the mantle from her tearful face. Shecomplied and disclosed what no one could have ever anticipated, forshe disclosed the countenance of Dona Rodriguez, the duenna of thehouse; the other female in mourning being her daughter, who had beenmade a fool of by the rich farmer's son. All who knew her werefilled with astonishment, and the duke and duchess more than any;for though they thought her a simpleton and a weak creature, theydid not think her capable of crazy pranks. Dona Rodriguez, atlength, turning to her master and mistress said to them, "Will yourexcellences be pleased to permit me to speak to this gentleman for amoment, for it is requisite I should do so in order to getsuccessfully out of the business in which the boldness of anevil-minded clown has involved me?"
The duke said that for his part he gave her leave, and that shemight speak with Senor Don Quixote as much as she liked.
She then, turning to Don Quixote and addressing herself to him said,"Some days since, valiant knight, I gave you an account of theinjustice and treachery of a wicked farmer to my dearly beloveddaughter, the unhappy damsel here before you, and you promised me totake her part and right the wrong that has been done her; but now ithas come to my hearing that you are about to depart from this castlein quest of such fair adventures as God may vouchsafe to you;therefore, before you take the road, I would that you challenge thisfroward rustic, and compel him to marry my daughter in fulfillmentof the promise he gave her to become her husband before he seducedher; for to expect that my lord the duke will do me justice is toask pears from the elm tree, for the reason I stated privately to yourworship; and so may our Lord grant you good health and forsake usnot."
To these words Don Quixote replied very gravely and solemnly,"Worthy duenna, check your tears, or rather dry them, and spare yoursighs, for I take it upon myself to obtain redress for yourdaughter, for whom it would have been better not to have been so readyto believe lovers' promises, which are for the most part quicklymade and very slowly performed; and so, with my lord the duke's leave,I will at once go in quest of this inhuman youth, and will find himout and challenge him and slay him, if so be he refuses to keep hispromised word; for the chief object of my profession is to spare thehumble and chastise the proud; I mean, to help the distressed anddestroy the oppressors."
"There is no necessity," said the duke, "for your worship to takethe trouble of seeking out the rustic of whom this worthy duennacomplains, nor is there any necessity, either, for asking my leaveto challenge him; for I admit him duly challenged, and will takecare that he is informed of the challenge, and accepts it, and comesto answer it in person to this castle of mine, where I shall afford toboth a fair field, observing all the conditions which are usuallyand properly observed in such trials, and observing too justice toboth sides, as all princes who offer a free field to combatants withinthe limits of their lordships are bound to do."
"Then with that assurance and your highness's good leave," saidDon Quixote, "I hereby for this once waive my privilege of gentleblood, and come down and put myself on a level with the lowly birth ofthe wrong-doer, making myself equal with him and enabling him to enterinto combat with me; and so, I challenge and defy him, thoughabsent, on the plea of his malfeasance in breaking faith with thispoor damsel, who was a maiden and now by his misdeed is none; andsay that he shall fulfill the promise he gave her to become her lawfulhusband, or else stake his life upon the question."
And then plucking off a glove he threw it down in the middle ofthe hall, and the duke picked it up, saying, as he had said before,that he accepted the challenge in the name of his vassal, and fixedsix days thence as the time, the courtyard of the castle as the place,and for arms the customary ones of knights, lance and shield andfull armour, with all the other accessories, without trickery,guile, or charms of any sort, and examined and passed by the judges ofthe field. "But first of all," he said, "it is requisite that thisworthy duenna and unworthy damsel should place their claim for justicein the hands of Don Quixote; for otherwise nothing can be done, norcan the said challenge be brought to a lawful issue."
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